


Never Love An Anchor

by ihappentobeonfire



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Heavy topics, Short Story, Sleepyboisinc - Freeform, Suicidal Thoughts/Actions, Suicide, This is in no way a ship fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:55:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28085805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ihappentobeonfire/pseuds/ihappentobeonfire
Summary: Tommy and Tubbo encounter each other again at the edge of the world. Theseus’ story ended in struggle and violence- as did the stories of all heroes.Tommy decided he did not want to be a hero.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 58





	Never Love An Anchor

**Author's Note:**

> !! WARNING !!
> 
> This story includes VERY heavy themes surrounding suicide. Do not take the tags lightly. This story is meant to portray a possible ending to Tubbo and Tommy’s story as if they themselves were mythology. Suicide is depicted in an artistic and almost peaceful way, but this is a piece of fiction. This should in no way be seen as an accurate depiction of the real struggles surrounding this topic. Tommy and Tubbo are brothers- this is not a ship fic nor should it be taken that way. 
> 
> The song Never Love An Anchor by The Crane Wives served as inspiration for parts of this fic.

  
__

_There are times where I still wonder about you  
You are someone I have loved but never known  
And you’ll never see the reasons I had  
For keeping my claws away when they were close enough to hurt you_

_I am selfish I am broken I am cruel  
I am all the things they might have said to you  
Do you ever think of me and my two hands  
And wonder why  
They never soothed your fevers  
And wonder why  
They never tied your shoes  
And wonder why  
They never held you gently  
And wonder why  
They never had the chance to lose you  
_  


Tendrils of golden light enveloped skin splattered in hues of violet and crimson. Fabric hung off of a borderline emaciated frame, skin clinging to bones and suctioned against the hollows of sharp cheekbones.

Dozens, maybe hundreds of feet below the grass were the gentle lapping waves, kissing the cliffside in a union of the unstoppable force and the immovable object, coexisting in the harmony of a symbiotic relationship. The water carried the particles of the rock away from the land, breathing into each speck new life, new secrets, depositing it on a far off and distant shore to spread the tales of lands that rested just beyond the horizon. 

Eyes that had once been blue and hopeful had since faded to grey, the color running away to blend into the ocean that he so longed for. He stood on the edge of the cliff, the wind pushing his hair back from his face and prompting him to close his eyes and instead inhale deep enough to taste the sea on his tongue. For a moment, he could almost imagine the winds picking him up and allowing him to hover in the air, unrestrained by the heels of his shoes on the ground. Free to fly, to escape from the crushing captivity of his few companions. 

Icarus had flown too close to the sun, wished to bathe himself in the warmth of its blaze as he pushed upwards, breaching the line of the clouds and hanging, suspended above the heavens with nothing by the endless sky and the sun he had fallen in love with. Even as melted wax singed his skin, feathers falling around his head as he plummeted back through the clouds and down towards earth- he was happy. He had seen what he had set out to see. His freedom was not escaping, his freedom was release. 

Tommy was not Icarus. He had no ambition to soar beyond the greatest potentials of man, he had no grave situation to escape from. He should have been content. Dream took care of him, did what was best for him- so why did he feel freedom when he toed the line of life and death? What drove him back to this cliffside day after day, what pushed him to the nether walkway to feel the radiant heat of the lava below?

He must have been broken in some way. There was no other explanation.

Despite knowing others viewed him as fractured and weak, he could forget the qualms of the day, stand on the edge of the world, and spread his arms to embrace what the sky had to send down upon him. Rain, sun, fog dense enough that he couldn’t even see the ocean- everything had its own appeal. Its own atmosphere. 

Today was reaching its end, the sun dipping below the clouds and threatening to touch the line of the endless water. Each wave glimmered with a sheen of molten gold, beckoning him closer to the edge. If he could touch those very waves now- they would be peaceful. Deep and dark, the consistent lull of the tides pulling him lower, lower, lower, until his lungs filled with water and condemned him to a life as a part of the sea. It didn’t sound so bad. 

His hands dropped from where they had been spread wide, the wind dying down to nothing and drawing him from his moments of serenity. His shoulders sank in tune with his spirits. The brief tenure of peace never lasted long. 

His head jerked over his shoulder as he felt the warmth of a hand close around his wrist, staring down into the baby blue eyes of a face he hadn’t seen outside of his nightmares in months. Feathered brown hair threatened to hang in his eyes, swept aside and tousled. His suit was tailored to his body, and he looked far older than Tommy remembered. He had grown.

“Tubbo?” His voice came out just barely above a whisper. But Tubbo hated him? He resisted the urge to look down at the contraption resting between his feet. Its placement assured he always had something to leave behind- Your Tubbo.

“Tommy.” Tubbo pulled on Tommy’s wrist, guiding him a step away from the edge. His other hand was clenched around something- he held it out, pressing the object into the hand he held captive. Tommy looked down at what he was holding, shocked to find it was strangely familiar. A compass, the red needle pointing towards the center of his chest. On the side of the contraption, inscribed in the jagged handwriting of Ghostbur:

Your Tommy.

-=+=-  
__

_Theseus had never been able to return home. Despite his wishes and his best efforts, he was driven from Athens by men who had claimed the throne in his absence. His heroic deeds went unanswered- and he fled to Scyros alone._

_On the cliffs of Scyros he was met by Lycomedes, the king of the islands. Theseus’ fame and fortune warranted special attention by the people Lycomedes was supposed to rule. A great king and a fearsome warrior- whispers ran through the streets that he would soon take Scyros as his own. Outraged at such a proposition, Lycomedes encountered Theseus on the cliffside and cast him down into the churning water to sink at the mercy of the sea._

_He had been a hero. One of the best. Yet his status as a hero- a man that freed cities from the clutches of beasts, ruled states as if they were a casual game of chess he always emerged victorious from- had been his downfall. Dejected and abandoned, he had looked for freedom in the hands of a man that had nothing except his own ideals in mind._

__  
-=+=-

“I-I lost the compass, for the longest time I couldn’t find it no matter where I looked. But now- well, I’ve found it! I came here- I came here to bring you home, Tommy.” Tubbo grasped his wrist tighter, covering the compass with the palm of his free hand. 

This was everything Tommy had ever wanted. Tubbo was here, Tubbo had sought him out, intended to bring him back to L’Manberg. He was likely the only person that could end Tommy’s exile, welcome him back to walk the prime path once again, and meander through the streets without fear of being hunted.

But now that the opportunity was laid out before him on a golden platter, he felt less keen on taking it than ever before. It didn’t feel right. L’Manberg didn’t feel right, nothing felt right. But this- the warmth of Tubbo’s hands, the smile on his brother’s face- this was the one thing he could live with. He had missed him.

“Tubbo, I haven’t got a home anymore. L’Manberg will never welcome me back no matter what everyone says. It’s hopeless- it was hopeless the moment I was sent away.”

Tubbo’s face fell. It was clear he had expected any mention of L’Manberg to draw Tommy back without question. It was L’Manberg that he always cared for, unconditionally. His home, his place of belonging, what reason did he have to reject this?

“But Tommy-”

“Tubbo, I don’t-” he paused, exhaling and pulling his hand away from Tubbo. The longer he stayed here the more their inevitable goodbye would hurt. He took a step backward, feeling the edge of the rock just below the heel of his shoe. “I don’t belong here. I’m not happy anymore, Tubbo. Not even L’Manberg will be able to fix that.”

“I can’t just leave you here!” Tubbo’s voice rose in volume, a slight tremor beginning to form in his words. “I can’t go back to L’Manberg without seeing you wherever I turn. I was- I was power-hungry. You were right, you’re always right. I’ll join you in exile- I’ll do anything, Tommy!”

Tubbo let the compass fall from his hand, settling in the vibrant grass so he could wipe at his eyes, looking down at the metal to avoiding meeting the intensity of Tommy’s stare. 

“I just can’t be alone anymore.” 

Alone? Tubbo had been surrounded by friends, by people that cared and did favors- he was their president! How could he have felt alone? While it confused Tommy, in some odd way he understood. Their situations were vastly different, but they both still stood on the edge of everything. Despite their flaws, the wedges that had driven them from each other, they had found their way back.

He held his hand out, palm open, as an offering. It meant everything and nothing at once. Brothers and friends, from the first day to the last. 

Blue met muted grey, the words and accusations that had weighed on the both of them for weeks melting away just as Icarus’ wings had fallen from grace along with him. Tubbo took his offer, breaking their gaze to look down at the conjunction of their hands. 

“You don’t have to be alone.”

Theseus’ story had been one of malice and hatred. Jealousy and pride had pushed him from the cliff, the hand of an enemy against his chest and the violent sea churning at his back. 

Tubbo looked up for one final time, his grip on Tommy’s hand only strengthening. Together in a way nobody and nothing could come between. Again, they could be brothers. Again, they could turn a blind eye to politics and war.

His chin inclined in a nod, a ghost of a smile passing across Tommy’s lips in response as he took another step back, pulling Tubbo with him into the final chapter of their lives. 

Tommy was not a hero. He had done heroic things, yes. He had tried and tried and tried again and again to be the hero, to show everyone his worth. 

He could not name a hero that was happy as they laid in the embrace of the unknown. He was not a hero, for he felt comfort and familiarity in the embrace of the open air. His hand remained locked with Tubbo’s, wind blocking any noise from reaching his ears. But he didn’t care. He reached his free hand up towards the sky, wondering if this was what Icarus had known, cradled in the embrace of the sun as he fell.

Water flooded his senses, a burst of shocking cold that jolted him to his core. His body went numb almost instantly. Hitting water from that high up, it was almost as if you plummeted onto a slab of concrete. He couldn’t feel the hand of his brother any longer, turning his head just enough that he could see the boy’s face through the murky blue waters. The salt stung his eyes, but it was worth it. To see Tubbo look at him through the floating strands of soft brown hair, hold eye contact as the sea swallowed them whole-

To spend eternity with someone he regarded as family and as a friend did not seem so bad. 

Tubbo’s eyes were glassy and calm, a blue that almost blended with the backdrop of the ocean’s infinity. The edges of his vision grew foggy and dim, the depths of the ocean finally closing around the two of them.

The sun finally kissed the horizon, a mirage of color melting across the sky. It painted the ocean in countless shades of warmth and beauty, waving the ripples at the base of the cliff goodbye as they finally settled, erasing all memory of what the waters had taken that day. The next wave that crashed against the cliffside chipped away the smallest pebble, sending it away into the great expanse of the world to tell the story of two brothers that had rewritten the tale they were destined to follow.

Above- far above even the clouds, in a place no man could ever hope to see- a pair of hands reached through the heavens until their fingertips brushed against each other, grasping at something they knew far better than even themselves. The final beams of light from the sun cast a spotlight on the clifftop, a bright gleam reflecting from the grass.

_  
Your Tubbo.  
_

Beside it, another glimmer praised the sun’s kindness as it shone one last time.

__  
Your Tommy.  


**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading! This was a challenge to write, as it explores topics that are difficult to maneuver for any writer. Once again, this was an artistic representation of suicide- which is by no means peaceful or comfortable. This is a work of complete and utter fiction. Please seek professional help if necessary.
> 
> Thank you for reading- as always, feel free to leave opinions/constructive criticism/feedback in the comments


End file.
